Friday, July 23, 2010

An indiscreetness

H : aah, finally the Friday ends
(he tumbles into the bed noisily and trundles towards her.)
W : so?
(the questioning is sharper and more playful through her eyes
than her utterance.)
H : so nothing
(he dodges cleverly)
W : hhuhuumm
H : nothing but I have to be with my wife for two
long days
(he sighs loudly)
W : no problem, Sir, You can go and work tomorrow also;
nobody expects You to be romancing around here
H : but I am afraid that I miss my appointment with my lover
W : oohho
H : aren't You eager to know how is She?
W : No
H : but still I will tell You
(he starts to describe her exaggeratedly)
H : She is so pretty,very fond of me; unlike my wife,
She doesn't boss me around; She listens to my words.
W : then marry her, divorce your wife
(she plays it along)
H : There is a little problem in doing that
W : what is that?
(she sounds slightly being tired of his plays)
H : Though my wife is high-and-mighty, tyrannical, she is wise;
She gives me good advice on my office works, in fact she is
cleverer than me.
(a grin just peeps through her lips)
W : what about your lover?
H : She is stupider than me
W : enough, enough, I am flattered
H : what is this? I am telling the facts; this is the problem
with women, they don't always accept the truth, but only
when they like it
W : shut up
(She smiles at him, he makes a romantic face at her as an
H : tell me, what do you want?
W : nothing
H : don't lie, your eyes tries to say something to me
W : it may try to reveal the secret that you are naughty.
H : Is it? naughty eyes; or maybe they try to think what did
this ugly creature do to attract such a lovely girl
W : no, I have ordered them not to think of it
H : why?
W : for they can't understand it
H : I am defeated pitifully; okay, plans for the weekend?
W : I have lots of work; I have to wash clothes, clean the house.
H : no problem, as usual I will help You in those, what else?
W : You have to be with me for the two complete days.
H : You will say all these now, but then You will whine that
I bore You

W : yes, You are boring but I like it
H : shouldn't I be aware of such paradoxical statement?
W : no, it is a broken symmetry which brings the
existence of love
H : excellent, Mam, You have mastered the art of
winning over me
(She smiles again, so does he)
(barely a minute has past away in silence)
W : I need a baby
(the words cautiously and gingerly walks out of her mouth)
(he doesn't respond for a while)
H : shall we go out for a movie tomorrow?
W : Did You hear me?
(her fingers caress his forehand)
H : yes
(though the sound is phonetically simple, he struggles on it)
W : can't you understand me?
H : I have told You before, right? let us not talk about it now.
W : Listen to me, Dear; it has been two and half years since we
married, we should plan for a baby now.
H : no, not now
W : why?, I don't understand it
H : because I am not ready for it
W : what is that You are not ready?
(his lips too aren't ready to move now)
W : we will do it once divinely
(he breathes out his No heavily)
W : what do You say?
(her words try to be persuasive but fails)
H : Is that enough?
(he questions with a sharp tone)
W : what do You mean?
H : Is my single active sperm a big license to bring
a beautiful Being to this vicious world?
W : I dont get You
H : let me be clear, forget about the population growth,
poverty,war, climate change, etc; can we guarantee a
minimum safety for that little Being?
W : why not?
H : how?
W : what is this How? we can protect That
H : You carry That only for ten months and I don't do
that too
W : come on, don't drift
H : no I don't, do You know how many times I missed my
parents? sometimes I would be sitting right next to them,
but still miss them. Once I cried lying on my mother's lap
that She,a Being who spent most of her life for me, couldn't read.
(he pauses to cloak his emotions under a generality)
Here everyone is destined to be alone; when we were
children, our mind safely curled up under the flimsy
covers of innocence; but as we grew, it slowly and proudly
started to expose itself peeling those thin layers of whiteness
with the knife of knowledge, before completely and defencelessly
stripping naked to the heat of truths.
W : You are unnecessarily complicating your thoughts and
worrying about the inevitability. Maybe the circumstances
have forced You to be more emotional.
H : Is it? when we are in sex, when my thought kisses the
memories of our affection, all I wish is that I have to love You
and only You, forever; but then the very next day, why should
I get drawn in by a girl somewhere in a market or park who is
completely stranger to me. Why is that always we have to dig
the darker side of us equally as the brighter side of us?
why does some part of me always smirk at my benevolence?
why is that always the inhumane 'I' sniffs the 'for me'
selfishly? If You blame these are instinctive and
circumstantial, then all these hellish things are the
inherent forms of this world where a pure beautiful
Being is brought in mindlessly.
W : what do You want me to do now?
(She sounds very tired and despondent)
H : can we wholeheartedly say on our conscience
that we are good humans?
W : May be not, but we always want to be good Beings, right?;
see, it is not that what exactly things are matters, but how do You
believe them to be matters.
(a glimmer of hope reeks in her words)
H : may be yes, but everyday I die with my duality;
Here everybody wants to be good but they can't
protect their own good thoughts, not even for the
time it takes for them to think that the same
has to be materialised. As a human being, the
so-called civilised, highly intellectual being, if we
can't give a bare minimum safety to our thoughts,
how could I guarantee protection for my little lovely
(She remains silent.)
H : I understand You; though I exercise my mind
with these thoughts, I too long to carry that little
creature,indelibly stained with your blood, in my hands,
and kiss that little fingers; I do want to tell That all the
stories of the world though That doesn't understand it.
W : come on, Dear, let us be more practical on this matter

H : again the same compulsion to be practical for existence
kills the very nature of human mind.
W : whatelse can we do but to submit to it?
H : we understand it,right? that we are caught in the
cobweb of nature, then why do we be indiscreet and bring in
a new life to this world to end up in the same?
(She sighes)
W : I am tired
(her sad voice dies out )
H : don't worry, You will win finally as always;
the inevitability will dawn on me eventually and
the sagacity will fall against the run of play.
(his mind gropes for peace in the wilderness of the failure)

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Reaching out

One more conversation between two people, obviously He and She
He : Hai
She : Hello
(with a customary smile)
He : You are Pooja, right?
She : Yes
He : how is your work?
She : fine
He : You speak Tamil?
She : Yes
(with a tinge of annoyance)
He : I had guessed it.
(much like a string of random words out of an unquiet mind)
She : ohh
(an unwilling acknowledgement)
(a little gap,may be two or three seconds,yet it begs to get
He : will You talk with me for few minutes?
(The moment he said the last word, the Elevator had come to
the ground floor.)
She : what do You want?
(bit quizzically stepping out of the elevator)
He : I want to talk to You
She : about
He : me
She : I don't understand
He : You will, spare me few of your minutes.
(She feels she should have rejected it with a polite No,but
gives him a kind smile.)
He : You walk this way to Your PG, right?
She : Yes
(They slowly start to walk onto a cobbled platform beautified
with lights reflecting on the clouds of puddles.)

He : Have You seen me before on the floor?
She : maybe once or twice, but haven't really noticed You
He : actually I am not that familiar
She : ohh
He : but I have seen You many times....willingly
(She feels uneasy smelling the odour of his subject.)

He : The first few times I saw You, I hardly acknowledged You
though you were good looking
(She cuts in)

She : excuse me, I think I have to go fast.
He :
I am sorry, I didn't want to trouble You, just wanted to
share what I felt
She : I don't know, maybe you are disturbing me
He :
no, I just came to tell you that I was so misfortunate to
get disturbed
(She looks puzzled though hesitant to give attention)
He : I am attracted that You speak Tamil
She :
(showing a bit of interest)
He : because I thought you were a North Indian
She : I am, but my father is a Tamilian
He : ohh, nevertheless You speak like a native speaker
She :
we do speak in Tamil at home; I am always comfortable
speaking it
He :
of course, One would be comfortable in a language one
speaks at home
She : yes
He :
even I would always prefer to talk in my mother tongue but
not now
She : why?
He : because I fear I might blabber
She : about?
He : about many things,about me,about my likings and dislikes,
about You too
She : You like me?
He : what do You mean?
She :
I don't know,what would I think if an unknown person comes
up and talks like this?
He : yes, maybe I like You, would that make You uncomfortable utterly?
She : not exactly, as long as it doesn't get into my personal domain
He : so You are going to be critical in finding out my intention
She : may not be critical, but yes more careful
He :
good, an year and half ago, I saw a girl and felt she was
attractive, so I intently tried to reach out to her but she turned
me down
(She doesn't reply, not that he expects any)

He :
I only asked her how She was, from next time onwards she
tried to avoid my presence;
(He laughs wryly)

She : Girls always find a sense of insecurity with unknown people
He :
do you feel it now?
(She stops walking, so does he)
She : Yes, I do
He : then leave, I am not compelling You to talk to me
(She looks at his face, finds him genuine;her mind warns her to
leave, but she doesn't move away)
She : perhaps, You can be more clear in what You want
He : sorry, I don't get You
She : I mean if You like me, if You find me attractive, then
I don't think so I would be comfortable with You approaching me

He : but I am not approaching You, I am just trying to reach out
She : why?
He :
to make myself more free mentally,so that next time when
I happen to see You I would give You a gentle smile instead
trying to hide myself within me;
She : why is it so?
He :because I thought You were good looking, but I do see so
many good looking people around me; then the other day,
I heard You speaking in Tamil with someone else, that
unexpected sense of beauty brought me a thread of attraction,
just like a feather caressing a sore wound on the face accidentally
She : so?
He :
nothing, one finds many things attractive in life; these night
lights are attractive, those fresh leaves with a drop of rain water at its
cusp are attractive;It is just that we have to understand it more naturally;
it is important that we are not impulsive in reaction

She : You are not clear
He : Yes, I am not, of course, these night lights seem different from
a girl; A beautiful girl attracts many men like me;one has to get rid of
it quickly, after all this is just a fabric of attraction;how could he do it?
what is wrong in trying to talk to someone he likes?
he knows he does no harm to people intentionally;
She : but still the girl feels insecure
He :
I agree, not every man is same, She runs a risk for men may
take undue advantage; but as a being of refined intelligence,
shouldn't one try not to upset the good people?
She : but the girl has her own world, she has preferences and dislikes,
You cannot simply jump into her personal space asking her to be
frank with everyone
He : Okay, I understand, so what is the solution?
She : what is the problem,firstly?
He :
There is no problem, but there is a lonely question
She : what?
He : Everyman has expectations, desires, pains,things to achieve
and finally the hopes of better future, so he goes about pursuing it
in his life; All of a sudden, if a fine thread of distraction, not big like
a tempest, but like a slow cool breeze flows in his life of desert,
wouldn't he be tranquilized for that moment? In such disturbance,
is it wrong that he longs for people's understanding?
She : how should they understand him?
He : Like how You do now giving me a small space to open up;
maybe a simple exchange of true words would help;You might
not like the person or You might already be in a relationship with
someone, it doesn't matter to share your patience for few minutes;
after all he just wants to share his thoughts;it might let the
transience of the attraction dawn on him.
These night lights attract me, I wink at them playfully;
These water droplets at the cusp of the leaves excite me,
I touch them joyfully; A girl attracts me,
shouldn't I atleast talk to her?
(a gap replete of silence fills out)
He : do You find me little weird?
She :
I don't know
He : You see, You are a good person, more than an attractive person
(she gives an empty smile)
He : ha, we have reached your PG, You can feel secure now,bye
She :
(with a tone expressing the disturbed mind.)
He : ohh sorry, I have forgotten
(She stops and turns back)
He :
it was nice talking to You;
thanks for your time
She : no problem
(She starts to walk slowly lost in thoughts..)

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Don't be a deaf to your reminders

It was few minutes past 2'o clock in the atfernoon;I was
walking to the eatery where I used to have my lunch before
turning up for the office; I was stopped by my instinct to
cross the road to reach the eatery right opposite on the
other side. After ensuring no vehicles were in haste,I was
about to step my foot but stung by a bug which aged very
old on the earth. Aging 50 plus, a man started to walk (move)
on his bare hands on the tar road as his legs were
dysfunctional, not even having his wife accompanying him,
as she had crossed the road in a flash before he started.
I stood there for few seconds letting the man to take the
lead and then gingerly followed his inching movement.
After few uncomfortable strides, even I deserted him for it
was too difficult to walk that slowly to follow his movement.
Her wife kept urging him to come faster as anytime the signal
at a few metres distance would be shown green and vehicles
would start to race again; Finally, after two halts of few
seconds each, he reached the other side of road.

Trying to digest that moment I walked straight to the hotel
and bought the meal bill at the till; Before I took my handful
to the mouth, I heared a dry voice with a haunting effect;
I didnt raise my head,I knew who they were and what they
asked for, nor did I taste my handful; I kept doodling
on my plate killing the seconds and my moral sense too.
After a minute or two,I raised my head to see whether they
were around or not,thankfully they were not near,but
distantly they were walking in two legs -
the wife was carrying the man on her back.

Having experienced the situation and keeping the
common sense intact, I wonder how better one could have
tackled the situation? I do not want to accept the option of
shrugging off the emotion that leaks inside one because I
wasn't the only one looking at them, it was nearly all who
were drawn by them (common sense);
I am affordable but not comfortable of giving them little
money. Hence by any means, as a common man,I couldn't
have provided any solution to their problem because I am
not a plank of the society to try to destabilise and rebuild it
again;I am just a small stone sticking to its outer wall, so if
I shake and fall apart I will only break but the wall
will stand erect asusual.

Moreover,boiling down to the possible solution depends
on what role one does take in the public,
it is great to be a father punishing the bad and praising the
good without stooping to the emotions,
it is relatively easy to be a mother sweeping everyone under
a single blanket though remaining ignorant of the mistakes,
it is very difficult to be a sincere learning student,
where it is very easy to be an unruly child giving the hope
to the parents that one day the change would dawn upon them.
But it is very unfair to be a beautiful toy which is indifferent.

There are many means of climbing up the ladder, but the most
important factor is money, how does one handle the money will
place them correspondingly in the society.
Can one count the reason for one's spending of every penny?
Can one have a principle of his own, be it fitting to any scale but
one if strictly followed will yield the result? if yes,then that will
discipline them. I believe good people dont need a teacher to tell
them what to do, they know it already,they just need a reminder
not even a loud alarm but a haunting melody,
given that the ears are open.
I have a principle and my ears are open, so I try to read this as a
reminder to follow mine for I fear I will go deaf forever.