I exist only in my thoughts..

An indiscreetness

2010-07-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

H : aah, finally the Friday ends
(he tumbles into the bed noisily and trundles towards her.)
W : so?
(the questioning is sharper and more playful through her eyes
than her utterance.)
H : so nothing
(he dodges cleverly)
W : hhuhuumm
H : nothing but I have to be with my wife for two
long days

(he sighs loudly)
W : no problem, Sir, You can go and work tomorrow also;

nobody expects You to be romancing around here
H : but I am afraid that I miss my appointment with my lover
W : oohho

H : aren't You eager to know how is She?

W : No

H : but still I will tell You

(he starts to describe her exaggeratedly)

H : She is so pretty,very fond of me; unlike my wife,
She doesn't boss me around; She listens to my words.
W : then marry her, divorce your wife
(she plays it along)
H : There is a little problem in doing that
W : what is that?
(she sounds slightly being tired of his plays)
H : Though my wife is high-and-mighty, tyrannical, she is wise;
She gives me good advice on my office works, in fact she is
cleverer than me.
(a grin just peeps through her lips)
W : what about your lover?
H : She is stupider than me
W : enough, enough, I am flattered
H : what is this? I am telling the facts; this is the problem
with women, they don't always accept the truth, but only
when they like it
W : shut up
(She smiles at him, he makes a romantic face at her as an
acknowledgment)
H : tell me, what do you want?
W : nothing
H : don't lie, your eyes tries to say something to me
W : it may try to reveal the secret that you are naughty.
H : Is it? naughty eyes; or maybe they try to think what did
this ugly creature do to attract such a lovely girl
W : no, I have ordered them not to think of it
H : why?
W : for they can't understand it
H : I am defeated pitifully; okay, plans for the weekend?
W : I have lots of work; I have to wash clothes, clean the house.
H : no problem, as usual I will help You in those, what else?
W : You have to be with me for the two complete days.
H : You will say all these now, but then You will whine that
I bore You
W : yes, You are boring but I like it
H : shouldn't I be aware of such paradoxical statement?
W : no, it is a broken symmetry which brings the
existence of love
H : excellent, Mam, You have mastered the art of
winning over me
(She smiles again, so does he)
(barely a minute has past away in silence)
W : I need a baby
(the words cautiously and gingerly walks out of her mouth)
(he doesn't respond for a while)
H : shall we go out for a movie tomorrow?
W : Did You hear me?
(her fingers caress his forehand)
H : yes
(though the sound is phonetically simple, he struggles on it)
W : can't you understand me?
H : I have told You before, right? let us not talk about it now.
W : Listen to me, Dear; it has been two and half years since we
married, we should plan for a baby now.
H : no, not now
W : why?, I don't understand it
H : because I am not ready for it
W : what is that You are not ready?

(his lips too aren't ready to move now)

W : we will do it once divinely

(he breathes out his No heavily)

W : what do You say?

(her words try to be persuasive but fails)

H : Is that enough?

(he questions with a sharp tone)
W : what do You mean?
H : Is my single active sperm a big license to bring
a beautiful Being to this vicious world?
W : I dont get You
H : let me be clear, forget about the population growth,

poverty,war, climate change, etc; can we guarantee a

minimum safety for that little Being?

W : why not?
H : how?

W : what is this How? we can protect That

H : You carry That only for ten months and I don't do

that too

W : come on, don't drift
H : no I don't, do You know how many times I missed my

parents? sometimes I would be sitting right next to them,

but still miss them. Once I cried lying on my mother's lap

that She,a Being who spent most of her life for me, couldn't read.
(he pauses to cloak his emotions under a generality)
Here everyone is destined to be alone; when we were
children, our mind safely curled up under the flimsy
covers of innocence; but as we grew, it slowly and proudly
started to expose itself peeling those thin layers of whiteness
with the knife of knowledge, before completely and defencelessly
stripping naked to the heat of truths.
W : You are unnecessarily complicating your thoughts and
worrying about the inevitability. Maybe the circumstances
have forced You to be more emotional.
H : Is it? when we are in sex, when my thought kisses the
memories of our affection, all I wish is that I have to love You
and only You, forever; but then the very next day, why should
I get drawn in by a girl somewhere in a market or park who is
completely stranger to me. Why is that always we have to dig
the darker side of us equally as the brighter side of us?
why does some part of me always smirk at my benevolence?
why is that always the inhumane 'I' sniffs the 'for me'
selfishly? If You blame these are instinctive and
circumstantial, then all these hellish things are the
inherent forms of this world where a pure beautiful
Being is brought in mindlessly.
W : what do You want me to do now?
(She sounds very tired and despondent)
H : can we wholeheartedly say on our conscience
that we are good humans?
W : May be not, but we always want to be good Beings, right?;
see, it is not that what exactly things are matters, but how do You
believe them to be matters.
(a glimmer of hope reeks in her words)
H : may be yes, but everyday I die with my duality;
Here everybody wants to be good but they can't
protect their own good thoughts, not even for the
time it takes for them to think that the same
has to be materialised. As a human being, the
so-called civilised, highly intellectual being, if we
can't give a bare minimum safety to our thoughts,
how could I guarantee protection for my little lovely
baby?
(She remains silent.)
H : I understand You; though I exercise my mind
with these thoughts, I too long to carry that little
creature,indelibly stained with your blood, in my hands,
and kiss that little fingers; I do want to tell That all the
stories of the world though That doesn't understand it.
W : come on, Dear, let us be more practical on this matter
H : again the same compulsion to be practical for existence
kills the very nature of human mind.
W : whatelse can we do but to submit to it?
H : we understand it,right? that we are caught in the
cobweb of nature, then why do we be indiscreet and bring in
a new life to this world to end up in the same?
(She sighes)
W : I am tired
(her sad voice dies out )
H : don't worry, You will win finally as always;

the inevitability will dawn on me eventually and

the sagacity will fall against the run of play.
(his mind gropes for peace in the wilderness of the failure)

Reaching out

2010-05-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

One more conversation between two people, obviously He and She
He : Hai
She : Hello
(with a customary smile)
He : You are Pooja, right?
She : Yes
He : how is your work?
She : fine
He : You speak Tamil?
She : Yes
(with a tinge of annoyance)
He : I had guessed it.
(much like a string of random words out of an unquiet mind)
She : ohh
(an unwilling acknowledgement)
(a little gap,may be two or three seconds,yet it begs to get

broken)
He : will You talk with me for few minutes?
(The moment he said the last word, the Elevator had come to

the ground floor.)

She : what do You want?
(bit quizzically stepping out of the elevator)
He : I want to talk to You
She : about
He : me
She : I don't understand
He : You will, spare me few of your minutes.
(She feels she should have rejected it with a polite No,but

gives him a kind smile.)

He : You walk this way to Your PG, right?
She : Yes
(They slowly start to walk onto a cobbled platform beautified
with lights reflecting on the clouds of puddles.)
He : Have You seen me before on the floor?
She : maybe once or twice, but haven't really noticed You
He : actually I am not that familiar
She : ohh
He : but I have seen You many times....willingly
(She feels uneasy smelling the odour of his subject.)
He : The first few times I saw You, I hardly acknowledged You

though you were good looking
(She cuts in)
She : excuse me, I think I have to go fast.
He : I am sorry, I didn't want to trouble You, just wanted to

share what I felt

She : I don't know, maybe you are disturbing me
He : no, I just came to tell you that I was so misfortunate to

get disturbed

(She looks puzzled though hesitant to give attention)
He : I am attracted that You speak Tamil
She : why?

(showing a bit of interest)
He : because I thought you were a North Indian
She : I am, but my father is a Tamilian
He : ohh, nevertheless You speak like a native speaker
She : we do speak in Tamil at home; I am always comfortable

speaking it
He : of course, One would be comfortable in a language one

speaks at home

She : yes
He : even I would always prefer to talk in my mother tongue but

not now
She : why?
He : because I fear I might blabber
She : about?
He : about many things,about me,about my likings and dislikes,

about You too

She : You like me?
He : what do You mean?
She : I don't know,what would I think if an unknown person comes

up and talks like this?
He : yes, maybe I like You, would that make You uncomfortable utterly?
She : not exactly, as long as it doesn't get into my personal domain
He : so You are going to be critical in finding out my intention
She : may not be critical, but yes more careful
He : good, an year and half ago, I saw a girl and felt she was

attractive, so I intently tried to reach out to her but she turned

me down
(She doesn't reply, not that he expects any)
He : I only asked her how She was, from next time onwards she

tried to avoid my presence;
(He laughs wryly)
She : Girls always find a sense of insecurity with unknown people
He : do you feel it now?

(She stops walking, so does he)
She : Yes, I do
He : then leave, I am not compelling You to talk to me
(She looks at his face, finds him genuine;her mind warns her to

leave, but she doesn't move away)
She : perhaps, You can be more clear in what You want
He : sorry, I don't get You
She : I mean if You like me, if You find me attractive, then
I don't think so I would be comfortable with You approaching me
He : but I am not approaching You, I am just trying to reach out
She : why?
He : to make myself more free mentally,so that next time when
I happen to see You I would give You a gentle smile instead

trying to hide myself within me;
She : why is it so?
He :because I thought You were good looking, but I do see so

many good looking people around me; then the other day,

I heard You speaking in Tamil with someone else, that

unexpected sense of beauty brought me a thread of attraction,

just like a feather caressing a sore wound on the face accidentally
She : so?
He : nothing, one finds many things attractive in life; these night

lights are attractive, those fresh leaves with a drop of rain water at its

cusp are attractive;It is just that we have to understand it more naturally;
it is important that we are not impulsive in reaction
She : You are not clear
He : Yes, I am not, of course, these night lights seem different from

a girl; A beautiful girl attracts many men like me;one has to get rid of

it quickly, after all this is just a fabric of attraction;how could he do it?

what is wrong in trying to talk to someone he likes?

he knows he does no harm to people intentionally;
She : but still the girl feels insecure
He : I agree, not every man is same, She runs a risk for men may
take undue advantage; but as a being of refined intelligence,
shouldn't one try not to upset the good people?
She : but the girl has her own world, she has preferences and dislikes,
You cannot simply jump into her personal space asking her to be

frank with everyone
He : Okay, I understand, so what is the solution?
She : what is the problem,firstly?
He : There is no problem, but there is a lonely question

She : what?

He : Everyman has expectations, desires, pains,things to achieve

and finally the hopes of better future, so he goes about pursuing it

in his life; All of a sudden, if a fine thread of distraction, not big like

a tempest, but like a slow cool breeze flows in his life of desert,

wouldn't he be tranquilized for that moment? In such disturbance,

is it wrong that he longs for people's understanding?

She : how should they understand him?

He : Like how You do now giving me a small space to open up;
maybe a simple exchange of true words would help;You might

not like the person or You might already be in a relationship with

someone, it doesn't matter to share your patience for few minutes;

after all he just wants to share his thoughts;it might let the

transience of the attraction dawn on him.

These night lights attract me, I wink at them playfully;

These water droplets at the cusp of the leaves excite me,

I touch them joyfully; A girl attracts me,

shouldn't I atleast talk to her?

(a gap replete of silence fills out)

He : do You find me little weird?
She : I don't know

He : You see, You are a good person, more than an attractive person

(she gives an empty smile)
He : ha, we have reached your PG, You can feel secure now,bye
She : bye

(with a tone expressing the disturbed mind.)

He : ohh sorry, I have forgotten

(She stops and turns back)
He : it was nice talking to You; thanks for your time
She : no problem
(She starts to walk slowly lost in thoughts..)

Don't be a deaf to your reminders

2010-01-28T05:02:00.000-08:00

It was few minutes past 2'o clock in the atfernoon;I was
walking to the eatery where I used to have my lunch before
turning up for the office; I was stopped by my instinct to
cross the road to reach the eatery right opposite on the
other side. After ensuring no vehicles were in haste,I was
about to step my foot but stung by a bug which aged very
old on the earth. Aging 50 plus, a man started to walk (move)
on his bare hands on the tar road as his legs were
dysfunctional, not even having his wife accompanying him,
as she had crossed the road in a flash before he started.
I stood there for few seconds letting the man to take the
lead and then gingerly followed his inching movement.
After few uncomfortable strides, even I deserted him for it
was too difficult to walk that slowly to follow his movement.
Her wife kept urging him to come faster as anytime the signal
at a few metres distance would be shown green and vehicles
would start to race again; Finally, after two halts of few
seconds each, he reached the other side of road.

Trying to digest that moment I walked straight to the hotel
and bought the meal bill at the till; Before I took my handful
to the mouth, I heared a dry voice with a haunting effect;
I didnt raise my head,I knew who they were and what they
asked for, nor did I taste my handful; I kept doodling
on my plate killing the seconds and my moral sense too.
After a minute or two,I raised my head to see whether they
were around or not,thankfully they were not near,but
distantly they were walking in two legs -
the wife was carrying the man on her back.

Having experienced the situation and keeping the
common sense intact, I wonder how better one could have
tackled the situation? I do not want to accept the option of
shrugging off the emotion that leaks inside one because I
wasn't the only one looking at them, it was nearly all who
were drawn by them (common sense);
I am affordable but not comfortable of giving them little
money. Hence by any means, as a common man,I couldn't
have provided any solution to their problem because I am
not a plank of the society to try to destabilise and rebuild it
again;I am just a small stone sticking to its outer wall, so if
I shake and fall apart I will only break but the wall
will stand erect asusual.

Moreover,boiling down to the possible solution depends
on what role one does take in the public,
it is great to be a father punishing the bad and praising the
good without stooping to the emotions,
it is relatively easy to be a mother sweeping everyone under
a single blanket though remaining ignorant of the mistakes,
it is very difficult to be a sincere learning student,
where it is very easy to be an unruly child giving the hope
to the parents that one day the change would dawn upon them.
But it is very unfair to be a beautiful toy which is indifferent.

There are many means of climbing up the ladder, but the most
important factor is money, how does one handle the money will
place them correspondingly in the society.
Can one count the reason for one's spending of every penny?
Can one have a principle of his own, be it fitting to any scale but
one if strictly followed will yield the result? if yes,then that will
discipline them. I believe good people dont need a teacher to tell
them what to do, they know it already,they just need a reminder
not even a loud alarm but a haunting melody,
given that the ears are open.
I have a principle and my ears are open, so I try to read this as a
reminder to follow mine for I fear I will go deaf forever.

Is it?

2009-11-05T11:56:00.000-08:00

It is a saturday morning; the outer atmosphere is still fresh
and chill as the sun shies to cast its complete shine like a bride
shying to slide off her veil to the groom. Inside the house,all
the rooms are still lifelessly except the bedroom which lazily
breathes back to life. The clock has just ticked past 10'o clock.

He : hmmmm
(He heavily breathes out making the room's air still heavy.
He just awakes to the fact that he is awake,turns to his right;
she is still sleeping)

His biological clock : Hi, it is me who woke you up.
( He lazily walks to the toilet to piss. Though the morning's
first piss titillates his mind, his body strongly feels the pain
of a long inched-away week's work. He tumbles back onto
bed and burrows down beneath the blanket.)

Another biological clock (reminds) : Hey Mister, You havent
romanced Your wife for a week now.
(This one really excites his mind and energizes his body.
Now he longingly sees his wife. She is still sleeping; he
whines to himself that her clock is too slow.)
He(talks to himself) : shall I wake her up now? no, she is
asleep; so what? even my feelings are asleep. Isnt it my
duty to wake them up? hehe
(he grins mischieviously like a villain does it to herione in
any commercial movie.)
Fanned the flame of desire,he now tries to think up an idea
to accomplish his sudden whim.
Before he pecks on her cheek,her jaw moves like a dragged
rhythm.
She(with her eyes closed) : why did You get up this early?
He(his mind stutters to hit on a reason and
he bumbles) : bb-reak-ffast
She : huhumm, no breakfast today,straight to lunch.
He : ok, I dont want breakfast.
She : then sleep
He : no
She : whatelse
He : nothing
She : this is ugly, dont entertain any stupid thoughts now.
He : but the stupid thoughts are lovely,arent they?
(He rolls his body closer to hers)
She : huhumm
He : These weekends are pleasurable,that too we lying
awake on the bed late morning.
She : lie, i am sleeping
(she smiles playfully with eyes still closed.)
He : no,I dont lie.
She : offcourse, You are lying (she pauses for an effect)
on the bed.
He : huhumm
(She now opens her eyes and flutters the eyelids looking
at him.)
She : good morning,Sir
He : you look fresh even now.
She : Do I? what might be the reason? maybe You want
something from me.
He : nothing
She : so you dont want me?
He : shut up, I wonder how I was all those years before
meeting You; I couldnt think how I was happy,sad,joyous,...
like how I am now,though You were not there; but now
I dont think I can live without You.
She : too much of compliments are not good for my health.
He : You know, there are hours I dont think of You
completely involved in my work; there are minutes that
disturbs me reminding the fact that I miss You; then
there are seconds,though I try to dismiss them, that denudes
the reality that we are different and I am going to miss You
ever one day. Finally this moment where we are together
deceivingly threatens me, giving the glimmer of its transience.
(He burrows his head onto her umbilical region.)
He (few seconds later) : I am being boiled in a couldron of
all these emotions.
(She lifts her front part of the body to see his eyes visibly
with false emotion in her eyes.)
He : what are You looking at?
She : I just checked whether you were crying. Pitifully You
werent,no, your emotions are not enough.
She(annoyingly playful) : I was eager to see a man crying unmanly.
He : huhumm, dont You feel my love?
She : no
He : why?
She : How will I if You repeat the same lines I have said
the other day. that was awesome, I emoted perfectly with
tears. You literally copied my lines,culprit.
He (manages) : okay,okay, what to do? I dont read romantic
novels like You. But my love is true,my dear.
She(naughtily) : Is it?

A reminder

2009-07-26T04:19:00.000-07:00

Here is yet again a conversation,the easiest of all in writings,
narrating an exchange of thoughts between two personifications.

T : what is this,boy? You are not writing anything nowadays.
M : (wears a wistful face)
T : what happened?
M : nothing. It is just that I don't write nowadays.
T : why?
M : why is this nosy why?
T : shouldn't I ask this to You?
M : no
T : why shouldn't I?
M : don't know.
T : You seem depressed a bit.
M : I am frustrated too.
T : interesting, then You do have many things to write.
Don't You?
M : Yes
T : so, why don't You write?
M : why should I?, Sir
T : (laughs mischievously)
M : don't laugh. Even if You laugh I shall not write any.
T : don't talk stupid.
M : You tell me this. Are I a true writer?
T : Aren't You?
M : seriously I don't know?
T : how could I help You?
M : You are nice,but You cannot help me.
T : huhumm
M : tell me what is the basic fabric of any writing?
T : Were it cleverness, the writing wouldn't get its simplicity;
Were it magic, only magician could do;
Were it an innate talent,one's writing wouldn't evolve.
I am tired of trying to be too smart here. Let me be honest,
it is honesty.
M : a thread that I don't have to weave my flowers.
T : why is it so?
M : Because pendulum swings to the extremes.
T : what?
M : my thoughts swing wildly between the good and the bad.
T : so
M : so one excites me to write and the other one warns me
not to write. i cant keep drawing one side of a face.
The picture goes meaningless.
T : so where is the way out?
M : there isn't one, I guess.
T : nevertheless You have to express, my boy
M : but the expression goes distorted,my Master.
T : do You know the secret of art? The art breathes its life
only when You try to be honest but not when You are honest.
M : I don't understand your clever language.
T : because You have limitation.
M : maybe your sophisticated thought is too clever to
my bounds of intelligence.
T : sorry,You stupid, I didn't mean the limitation of your
understanding of things.I meant there was a boundary,
a horizon in all that gives the same a definite shape.
so the boundary of Your writing is your limitation.
In other words, though you keep drawing one side of the
face,though your picture goes ugly, there is a living of art.
Hadn't there been this limitation, You wouldn't have
started to draw itself.
M : Excellent, Sir. An excellent attempt of elucidation laced
with the sophisticated diplomacy.
T (with a wily smile) : You are too hard a nut to crack.
Aren't you?
M : but not as unyielding as You, The Eternal
T : why is that so?
M : You keep hitting my mind's door until it opens,
feeding it with caress, often letting it retrospect on your past
-the beautiful memories, brood over your present
-the fateful happening, and ever long for your future-the hope.
T : (looks II with love in the eyes.)
M : Yes, You keep loving me,nagging me and haunting me.
You come to meet me every single moment.
T : but remember, Dear, one day I shall not come to see You.
So do finish all your work before I lose You to my enemy, the destiny.

To my Dear

2009-04-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

Hi,

I know I write this letter after a long time,nearly five months
after my last one. It is not that I dont want to write You one,
but it is the foresight of your rejection that held my emotion
back all these days. But this time I have to do it,not for
the sake of my pent up feelings but for the sake of
your own existence.

Only few things have transpired in this lapse of few months.
Firstly I have slowly learned to mature myself in the spate of
successive failures. Though everyday dusks with a sense of
loneliness and depression, a sense of courage and faith dawns
on me the next morning. Secondly I am running after the
following statement to understand what it reads,
'Furious activity is no substitute for understanding',
but often forget not to run furiously.

And then as always your thoughts scrabble for a hold in
my mind, the old memories haunt me like a deep crying
sound in the mid night. I try to overcome it in vain,
not knowing that it has become the base plank of my little
wooden house. The whole process is like a fish bone stuck
in the throat, neither I can swallow it nor I can spit it out.
What would a beautiful flower do if the only woman in
the world denied it? What would a little baby do if
her mother refused to kiss it? what would I do
if you didnt embrace me?

I feel like I am denied a drop of water when a potful futilely
leaks to the ground through its crack. It looks like a jumble
which I cannot play well. Altogether My life has become like
a game where I am not given authority to take decision but
only allowed to ride on fate. The word 'fate' seems to be
the father of God 'Proteus' trying many shapes to take
You away from me. But I keep your thoughts intact to
continue the flame of desire to kiss You,my lovely Muse.
Yes I am ready to swim against the tide all along the sea
to see You in your own island with a smile.

Yours honestly,
.......

A chewing gum

2008-11-21T07:00:00.000-08:00

(This is the conversation between two jobless people in their office.
These two doesnt require much introduction as they present
everywhere in the world waiting to taste the earth's oldest apple , Love.)

SHE : Hai, how do you do?
HE : fine. How do You do?
SHE : yeah fine , but nothing great to relish.
(She drags him into the conversation , maybe intentionally.)
HE : why?
(more a casual why)
SHE : why a why?
HE : no nothing. just like that.
SHE : just like , what?
(He senses that she kind of pushing him into a sweet-talk.)
HE : see.. Men have many reasons to concern about in this
world, but for a woman this world is an absolute gift.
Forgive me Mam, if you are the only prestigious exception to
that.
(somehow he fabricates a reason out of thin air.)
SHE : why do you say that?
HE : because it is as obvious as a bright sun , you know.
There is always somebody to look after,to ponder about ,
to pamper a woman in their liferun.
And surely they have to be grateful to men for this, you know.
SHE : Uhhhumm.
(She laughs sarcastically.)
HE : do you have Boyfriend?
(The question is simple yet it does surprise her because of its sudden appearance.)
SHE : No
(The answer comes out as fast as a rocket striking the gates of
his heart. Then follows a beautiful smile of her with a
little smell of shyness.)
HE : you should be having One. Do you know how much a boy pampers
his girl?. Girls are lucky.
SHE : And Boys are?
HE : Wise people call them fools.
(A gentle laughter breaks out.)
SHE : You know one think, these all are total rubbish.Men have this
creeping thing in their mind that they are the pitiest souls
left in this earth. Kind of syndrome i guess?
HE : is it?
(with a sarcastic grin)
SHE : but this is one of the oldest topic to discuss.
HE : I think i should surrender to the most intelligent girl of the earth, shouldn't I?.
SHE : shut up.
(a little smile followed by a little pause.)
SHE : you know when I first saw you in the office I thought you
are a calm person, sort of more introvert.
HE : then.
SHE : But actually you are not. I guess you are neither complex to
understand nor simple to observe at first sight. I think i am
right at this, dont I?
HE : Dont know,Mam. As everybody says, I do have no idea
about what I am exactly. It might sound monotonous but
that is true I guess. Maybe somebodyelse can define me in
their own observation as you did.
SHE : But that is not all too wrong.
HE : ok tell me, what do you think about a boy wearing Peter England
shirt,Pepe Jeans and a pair of Reebok shoes, I mean on a first
sight.
SHE : Maybe more fashionable.
HE : What if he wears the same pieces soaked in dirty the next day.
(she is kind of getting it.)
HE : what if he wears them for months together. Do you think he is
more funky now?.
SHE : May be not. And yes you are not.
HE : Thanks. so your observation keeps changing everytime not
jumping into any conclusion.
SHE : Well. Good try sir, but the example you have taken is not more
convincing enough.
(She sheds a ridiculous smile.)
HE : Fine. your remarks are most welcomed.
SHE : Ok. Shall we go out and have coffee.
HE : Do you really want me to come?
(He drags little hard in the cat and mouse game,yet she plays it
safe.)
SHE : No. If you dont like. You can better stay right here at office.
HE : Yeah. Even I get a little feel for the hot coffee now.
(They move to the nearby coffee shop.)
(And now they are in the coffeeshop sitting in the adjacent chairs at
the corner table. coffee cups are left abandoned in the table after
the use.)
SHE : Do You have Girlfriend?
(Now the simple question doesnt surprise him as he is expecting it
anytime.)
HE : I havent become a fool yet. (after a little pause) Well why didnt
you ask this then.
SHE : when?
HE : When I asked you about the same.
SHE : have you expected me to ask this then?
(Well now Its her turn in the game.)
HE : Not exactly. I know girls always play safer.
SHE : I dont play anything safe because i am not into any such.
HE : Do you mean girls would readily get into something which is
of no concern to them?
SHE : Maybe not. Why should they if it is of no concern to them?
HE : doesnt that sound selfish?
SHE : you tell me why should we do that?
HE : see. we have all talked about your observation of me. but you
didnt let me talk about you. Doesnt it show that you are more
safe and secure in your part?
SHE : ok let me ask you this straight. What do you think of me?
HE : What do you think? in the sense.
SHE : what does come to your mind When somebody utters my name?
HE : you are a nice girl. your actions might seem witty but they are
not actually.
SHE : What else?
HE : you are sociable. Often good in arguing. What more?
SHE : Hey are these the only things you think about a girl.
HE : To be frank. you look beautiful.
(she smiles with an attempt to hide her shyness.)
HE : You look gorgeous.
(He moves bit closer to her now. She feels uncomfortable with his
sudden change of the tone.)
HE : that too your lips are sexy and all tempting.
(He has moved still closer to her now, a little forward push will
land his lips in hers. She is all nervous caught between her minds.
And right at the very moment she decides to get up, he breaks into
a healthy laughter. yes he pulls off a real big one by his deceiving act.
Maybe one of the oldest trick in the lover's book.)
HE : yeah. i got you in a real surprise.
SHE : you mad man. i was afraid, you know.
(he giggles)
HE : i tell you one thing. Girls are real naive. I could see your
face reacting in fear and anxiety. How could you believe a man
slipping into a different mood all of a sudden? What was your
next move?
SHE : Simple. I would have given you a nice slap. you missed it.
HE : bad luck.
SHE : no problem. do you want one now?
HE : Do you believe Men shift their moods all of a sudden falling to
an exquisite beauty?
SHE : Dont know Sir.
HE : Maybe they , but i dont.
SHE : you seem to be a nice guy.
(with a gentle smile in her face.)
HE : uhhhuumm no. just like that.
SHE : shall we move.
HE : Yes. By the way i forgot to tell you.
SHE : what?
HE : that you are beautiful.
(SHE again sheds the exquisite smile.)

it's U and me

2008-07-18T00:30:00.001-07:00

This is the message conversation between
two people through their mobiles.
A : "welcome aboard2 'sweet Dreams' airline,
All passengers on bed, hug ur pillows.As the
flight will be leaving soon 2dream land."
B : who is this?
A : i am the one you always wish to be with.
B : sorry i could not guess. and you smart that
was a good reply anyways.
A : guess who you like the most.
B : the name i should no longer spell out..
and you tell me who you are.
A : Its the same name what came to ur mind
the moment you see this message.
B : no i dont believe it.. see if you are not telling
me who you are, i am going to cut this
conversation now.
A : ok. you tell me what should i do to make you
believe it.
B : you could do nothing for i willnot believe it
forever.
A : This is crazy,man. you long for somebody
to message you. and if that somebody
messages you, you dont believe it..God,why
do you create such foolish people on earth.
B : hey..this is too much.. keep it decent..
A : ok..
B : now you prove me that you are the one
i have always wish to be with.
A : do you remember the day we first met?
B : no.
A : Dai..
B : summa.try something else.
A : ok.do you remember the first time you kissed me.
B : yes.how sweet the moment was.
A : stupid..dont stoop to it..give it a go.
B : wait i havent finished yet.i do have kissed
many sweethearts.mostly all were sweet.now you
tell me which one of those sweethearts are you.
A : and that doesnt sound very funny..
B : is it so?
A : shut up..
B : comeon..i pray God that you arent
giving it up,my sweet..
A : ok tell me, what is your new liking in
this world?
B : the feel of cold rain drop falling on a
hot street light.
A : what do you enjoy in it?
B : its paradoxical chemistry.
A : then
B : its implication of the love between me
and my dear. and you still lose.
A : ok.what does haunt you more in this world?
B : a vast desert.
A : what do you fear in it?
B : its calmness.
A : whatelse
B : its solitude
A : then
B : its implication of a vacuum in a man's life
when he misses his loved one.
A : who do you miss?
B : i miss many in this world.
A : shut up. tell me who do you miss the most.
B : its you who i have always wish to be with.
A : i love you dear.
B : i miss you.
A : i will be back in two days. take care.
B : take care.bye.
A : "welcome aboard2 'sweet Dreams' airline,
All passengers on bed, hug ur pillows.As
the flight will be leaving soon 2dream land."

Philadelphia - review

2008-07-17T02:06:00.000-07:00

This is the review of one of my favourite movies,
PHILADELPHIA. usually i am not comfortable
reviewing a movie. Formerly i had the practice
of commenting on any movie i get to see,
but later on i felt it wasnt just right,
because i began to have a belief that
one can review a movie only when he
ables to respect and love the same.
so here i am very proud to review this movie
as i always love it.
PHILADELPHIA
Director - Jonathan Demme
Actors - Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington
Music Director - Bruce Springsteen
The movie starts with Tom Hanks working
as a lawyer in a conservative law firm. Then
it immediately slips to get revolved around
the main theme, as Tom Hanks gets to know
that he has been affected by the deadly disease AIDS.
And this costs his job as he has been fired on
the pretext of misplacing an important
document.
Though succumbing to AIDS
Tom Hanks couldnt able to let himself accept
this, for he feels that he doesnt deserve such a
bad and wrong treatment for serving his
client so consistently. moreover he had
always loved his job. so he seeks a
representation to sue the firm. And from
this point the screenplay and the depiction
takes everyone along to the place where
one's conscience haunts itself.
Then comes the entry of Denzel Washington,
a homophobic lawyer.Initially he refuses
to represent Tom but slowly he begins
to listen his scruple's call. There is this scene
to be named the best in the movie, where
in a library Denzel lets his conscience drag him
into the case slowly and steadily yet strong
emotionally.
Then the court scenes where the case arguments
start meandering around initially, but
suddenly it gets veered onto the
main subject as Denzel stikes the dart
to the spot where the movie reveals
the blackness of the human nature
(ie their sexual orientation,selfishness,hatred
towards people,etc) peeling the flimsy clad
of human's sheer hypocrisy. And this
transformation of the case metaphorically
represents the personal transformation
of a common man's(Danzel's) approach
towards the social outcasts.
The scene where Tom Hanks explains
the court how he loves the law is the
extreme point where the case gets riveted
to its seriuosness and that explains why
a dying man fights all the way with a case.
Then finally Denzel goes on to win
the case for Tom Hanks.
The highlights of the movie are its theme
and the narration which challenge to strike
the chord of any type of audience. And too this
movie was made in 1993 when the fear of AIDS
was spreading at a rampant speed.
Another speciality of the movie is
the performance of Tom Hanks and
his characterization. it really takes guts
to perform the role of a gay. i think it's much
more than an oscar-worth. There are
so many scenes where he is simply
extraordinary especially the scene where he
meets Denzel in his office for the representation
and the scene in the library where he happens to
remain as an outcast in everyone's attention.
And then Denzel Washington, i wonder how he
handles such a character with ease, particularly
all the court scenes.
Finally both the song and the background
music of the movie are too good that it
had won the oscar.
The movie might seem slow at its pace
but it has so much to see in it.To watch a
movie of this type might take one enough
patience and love towards the cinema.
a great movie filled with many colours of life.

a piece of madness

2008-06-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

It was a small room,to be exact,a bathroom..
Unlike the other rooms, the pitiful bathrooms
cant except a great decoration than the
much needed cleanliness..also it is been visited
only when people are forced to naturally..
But that little one was bit lucky that moment,
not because it had got a decent look but
because more emotion was being filled in it..
That moment was extremely strange and new
to it, to be true it couldnt able react to it..
If it had a mouth it would have cried loudly,
if it had eyes those would have been filled with
tears.. But how could a bathroom can have all
those,so it remained silently hiding all those
happened that instant.. If killing a human being
is a murder,then killing ones own feelings is
also the same..
Yes an emotional murder began to take its shape
when the forceful stream of water hit the cervical
nerves of his neck part..The chillness of the
tape water went down the spinal cord disturbing
the entire emotional setup of his mind..His eyes
began to deluge with tears but the traces were
wiped down by the continuous flow of water..
The purity of the water at the tape's mouth was
no more when it reached the floor after
tumbling down allover his toned psyche, as it was
blend with pain,love,deceit,pride..The warmth of the
60 Watts incandescent bulb soothed him a little
but certainly not countering the damn coldness of
the water during that fierce winter night..Then
his body started to shiver badly as his teeth
clattered in the cold..He felt the difficulty of
his entire life that moment..He preferred to die
rather than experiencing such a murderous moment
if killing himself had promised him to earn the
due pride for sure..
Yes that moment was so cruel that too when
his hormones started to play its trick more
ruthlessly..The time people have to understand
biology more than settling down to their
emotional possession.. But few people always
prefer to fight the nature for no reason, why?
maybe they feel it more faithful to put a fight with
or else they might find it a way of testing their
own character.. whatever it is, he was one such
who was ready to give it a go whenever his love
was threatened by the nature.. he had failed to it
many times,even he knew he had to live with it
forever yet he couldnt console himself to stoop to it..
Mad people,they never mind that eventually they
have to fail.. why do they do this still,maybe
they are excepting the great dawn one day,
maybe they find everybody as mad going after
something invaluable..But what did he feel then?
yes then he was more fragile unable to
withstand the cold yet had the last laugh , then
covered his body with the warm towel..poor man
strained himself for no cause but to him it meant
a lot as he was all overwhelmed of his temporary
victory..but that pride moment forgot to make
him realize that it will come back more strongly again..

It's between X and Y

2008-05-16T04:39:00.001-07:00

X : why did you try that?
Y : Don't know.(more stubbornly)
X : what do you meanby you dont know..
i know you are the only person responsible for it.
Y : so.. what do you want me to do now..
you want to punish me.
X : no..i want you to tell me why did you do that.
(Y sheds a wistful smile..)
X : what does that mean?.
Y : it means that i dont like to..
it means that i dont believe you..
it means all my hatred of things.
X : calm down,man..dont try to sound like
you had done nothing wrong..
Y : hey what did i do..(with a pinch of surprise).
X : what did i do then.
Y : shut up..never say that to me..
you screwed up all my things..
X : come on,my loser..this isnt fair..
dont curse me with the blames..
you can blame yourself instead blaming me,
that would be more appropriate..
(after a little span of silence..now the anger
slowly starts to die out for y while the feeling
of guilty and the longing for love try
to occupy his mind.)
Y : yes i did that to myself.
X : why?
Y : i dont know really..every now and then
i lose myself in an inarticulate sounds of panic
Which drives me to the hell.
X : what is that that worries you so much.
Y : not one.there are many such.
X : why dont you share all those with me.
Y : i dont feel like sharing it to anyone..becoz
people dont understand people.
To be precise most of them cant.
X : do you think i willnot understand you?.
(a voice drenched in love and pity)
Y : yes,my Lord,i dont have energy to believe
anything more.
X : why?
Y : becoz i believed so many things in my life.
i could never differentiate good and the bad,
they seem to be the same most of the times.
(after a little pause)
Y : i dont get why doesnt a bad thing look like
what it has to look like.At the sametime
why doesnt a good thing get its visibility
what it has to. Its always the few darker spots
which attract and draw my attention quickly
than the white ones. Though I work hard
to keep myself away from them they keep
coming at me. If something is bad why it has
got all the attracting and deceiving allure.
it does seem like living is a curse.
X : living is not a curse ,it is a gift not
only for humans but for all living things.
Y : i do believe things would be finer tomorrow
but that much-awaited dawn never
arrives. i find my life going tough.
i fear that eventually i would get
swallowed by the painful failures.
X : so you mean that you fall down often
and that hurts you.
Y : no..its still worse my dear.i fall down
when i try to recover from the one.
X : why shouldnt you believe the failures?.
Y : how could one believe a failure when
it is dreadful and sore.a failure is just a failure ,
there is no replacement for it.
X : but one thing people dont understand is that
'a failure speaks more truth than a victory'.
Failure prevails everywhere in the world,
right from a little girl who cries for her
melted down icecream to the old man who
grieves on his wife's death.they do gain
something from it and move forward in the life.
Y : probably yes they do,but i find it difficult.
how could an engine run without fuel.
i am drained out of energy,my love.
X : come on young man.dont lose your belief.
Belief means a lot more than what it seems
like.Believe that failures would vanish
tomorrow.
Y : yes it will..but how can i explain you that
today's pain is unbearable.
X : i know, it is very hard to bear but that is
how a good man is born out of his own characters.
Dont you know that 'Fighting is the best attitude
one has to possess ever in his life time'.
Y : yes i do know it..but i fear to fight in a
losing side.
X : Nobody is going to lose any thing,my dear.
you have to understand that this is the time
you can see your real self.All the great
fighters of the world were born out only
when they had to test their own strength
and courage.I know you are one of the them.
so the best way of living in this world is to
accept the truth and fight it regardless of
how bitter and cruel the truth tastes.THE SUN
might be scorching and severe but we have to love it
because it reflects the truth..
(now the feeling of pride and belief overwhelms Y
giving him the much needed hope to live..)
X : please believe me,dear,i am there always with you..
Yes X (scruple) could go nowhere away from Y
else they couldnt form XY to create a man.
This is one of the conversation that breaks out
between a common man's X and Y when
he searches for a whiff of fresh air to breath out
as his unending failures smother him and let him
escape through no corner,eventually making him
to fail in everything even in throwing away his own life.

it's DARK

2008-05-12T06:01:00.000-07:00

Yes it is completely dark in the no-moon night as
it is two hours past the sunset and the grandeur
of lightlessness characterised everypart of the
surroundings. There is a great speciality with
darkness,unlike the light,it does not reflect or
expose itself differently with the nature of the
objects it falls on.It has only one language for all
ie) darkening. You can be rich,powerful,beautiful
but nothing could seduce the darkness, eventually
you become physically nil.
with one such powerful and determinant
blackness deluging the night, these two
beautiful mortals begin to talk as they ever do.
But it's more special tonight as it is totally dark
with the absence of stars and moonlight.
HE : ohhhh beloved,could you see the darkness.
(says a sharp and powerful voice drenched in
the scent of care and love)
SHE : yesssss.
(says a cute voice yet in a tired tone.)
HE : how big it is?
SHE : It's sooooo large.i couldnt quantify it as
i ever see it. maybe as big as it can be.
HE : that big is my love towards you,dear.
(suddenly she laughs with the joy because she
never expected such an elucidating answer which
seems too close to her heart.)
HE : do you get it? darling.
SHE : yess dad i am getting it.
(she acknowledges with a little smile in her face
and a bigger one in her heart..)
HE : ok..now you tell me, how much you love me?
(She thinks for a jiffy and then kisses him on
his gaunt cheek.)
SHE : how sweet is this?,darling.
(she says it as tricky as it ever can be.)
HE : ohhhh.my dear.i am pitifully defeated and
you win hands down asusual.
(she giggles childishly.there is nothing in the
world that could match the beauty of her smile..
It has all the magics bound with it.HE just
loves it not just now but forever,the one and
only thing he wants in this vicious world.)
HE : ok,now it's time.does Clara have anything
to ask her daddy today.
(she remains silent.)
HE : yes. no. it's strange to see my little daughter
keeping her mouth tight-lipped.
(yes it's strange to him, no no,to be true it's very
difficult for him.Yes people do feel difficult when
THE ONE they love the most dont talk to them,
especially when they have to or when they are
expected to.It's always she who nags and queries
him with the one picked from her own world of
questions. Mostly the questions would be either
funny or too difficult to explain to a little soul,
but he never tries to evade from it, somehow he
tries and puts it in such a way that she gets
convinced with it finally. but today unusually
she remains silent.)
HE : ohh God, what a surprise, all of a sudden
you made my little daughter dumb.
how could that be possible?. i think you and
my sweety try to play a trick on me.
SHE : Dadddd
(she whines.)
SHE : then tell me,what happened in the
school today?
(he feels her trying hard to keep her mouth
shut. though not good,it is always a beautiful
sight to see the expressive face of a little kid
evincing the anger with her lips pouting out
of annoyance and her hands rubbing the eyes
demanding it to get deluged with the
deceiving tears.but here he misses it in the
complete lightlessness.)
HE : if you dont talk to DAD whoelse will
talk to me,Darling. comeon open your mouth.
SHE : she only said that.
(she says with a grumbling voice..)
HE : said what?
SHE : that i am not intelligent.
(Instead laughing at the unworldliness of
her daughter, he tries to be more thoughtful
because he knows that it does mean a lot to
her as she always wants to be a pretty and
witty girl,moreover that's how he has always
wished her to be.)
HE : who said that? tell me what exactly
happened in the school today.
(then she begins telling it bit irritatingly.
she has different ways of telling things to
different people. It's more tricky towards
her friends and more clever towards
her teachers but always truth and exactitude
towards her father because she expected
only love from him but none.)
SHE : asusual she began to tell the story
in the morning. she said 'there was
a little boy with his ugly looks'. then i
questioned her 'what do you mean by ugly?'.
she remained silent for few seconds and
then retorted as 'probably you cannot
understand it'.i asked her 'why?' but she
replied angrily 'because you are too little and
not intelligent enough'.
(a little silence.he does find very hard to
excuse the teacher as he feels the teacher
quite evasive and incapable to deal
with things.)
SHE : is she right dad. am i not intelligent?.
will i not understand things.
HE : no dear.you are the most intelligent
girl i have ever seen on this earth.but she is
partly correct. yes nobody could
understand the word 'ugly', because
the word literally doesnt exist in the world.
SHE : i dont understand dad.
(that voice with the tone of discouragement
does him something and makes him
desperate to make her clear.)
HE : actually there is nothing like ugly
in the world. Instead good people use
a different word called 'DIFFERENT'.
Everything is simply different not ugly.
It's all about you like it or dont like it.
supposedly if somebody comes and
tells you that 'your daddy is bad,ugly
and certainly nobody would love him.',
will you accept it?
SHE : no.
HE : why.
SHE : because i love my daddy so much
and he loves me too.
HE : and that is how things work out.
you love your daddy, you feel him good
and lovely. They don't like your daddy,
they find him bad and ugly.
SHE : but then why do they hate my daddy.
HE : probably because they dont
understand him.
SHE : if i could understand my dad,
why cant they?.
(This is really tough for him to encounter
as he is not prepared for this one.to be true
even he doesnt know the answer but
somehow he wants to finish it
in positive note.)
HE : Because it's dark everywhere my dear,
people find difficult to grope the reality of
the life in the damn naked darkness.But you
have a great magic to find and feel
the truths of life very easily. you can
understand people because you only
feel them. And that very element of
understanding humans better is
the pinnacle of intelligence,
the point of better civilization,etc.
We have been learning a lot over
the years only to understand people
better and to find the real facts out of
this fancy world. that's why i told you
that you are the most intelligent girl
of the earth.
HE : are you getting it?
SHE : yess.Dad
HE : so tomorrow you go and tell
your teacher that you are intelligent
enough to understand things better.
and dont forget to tell it with
all pride and joy.
(Though she couldnt comprehend
everything he said, she enjoys herself
winning the intelligent contest over
her teacher.)
HE : Clara. shall we have dinner as
it's getting late and you have to sleep.
SHE : ok dad.
HE : wait a minute,darling.i go light up
the candle.
be there where you are.
SHE : so you didnt do it before..why?
HE : i just want to feel the darkness which
my sweetheart feels forever.

Now the whole gamut of darkness fails to a
small lit candle like the entire world of truth
being challenged by few fake vices,
exposing two faces, one little cute and glowing,
the other gaunt and severely burnt in
a freaky fire accident.

an act of knitting

2008-04-29T00:10:00.000-07:00

It's late in the night around 1'o clock when the moonlight

tries hard to penetrate the gently waving curtains which

is hanging across the transparent window. Nobody knows

why does the moonlight struggle that hard to get into

the room try passing through the curtains, maybe

because fighting its prime enemy(darkness) is the

very nature of it. however it gives a pleasant dimlight

to that little room. The room is almost drenched in the

silence except the sound of the rotating fan,even that

seems to have turned melodic and rhythmic in its

nature for the sake of the two old souls sleeping in the

bed placed right below the hanging fan.

Though the bed is not convincingly enough for

two people, they have always managed to share it,

not because they have to,simply because they love to.

also it's not their bed alone but their entire lifes for

each other except a single thing like the narrow gap

which parts their bod as they lie one at the each side

of the bed letting their backs to face each other,but
that has destined to face its dead-end as they get closer

tonight.

Yes,SHE couldnt hide it anymore as she starts to weep

bit loudly so that it beats the sound of the rotating fan

and gets its identity audible enough. on hearing it herself

she closed her mouth tightly with her hands worrying

that it might disturb her beloved husband who is well

asleep and perhaps let him know the thing which

she tries hard to hide from him forever.whatelse she

could do when she loves her husband so much.

The thing she never had answer for is bugging her

a lot this night than ever before.

"GOD what kind of a feeling is this?..please let me

sleep tonight peacefully.." she prays to THE ALMIGHTY

unable to comprehend her own sorrow completely.

Even the most cruel man in the world wouldnt remain

hard-hearted ,seeing such an old lady (at her early sixties) crying.

But her tears have the mighty power to destroy the entire world.

Suddenly she feels something easing her emotions as

she recognises a hand moving over her head smoothly and soothingly.

"Dont cry my dear.." the voice of her beloved which let her cry louder now.

"come on,i know everything..",he says it to make her not to strain more.

Now she plunges and puts her head onto his chest searching for the comfort.

HE - "dont worry my dear..such thing happens.there is nothing you could have done."

"i am extremely sorry..i think i shouldnt have cried.."-SHE says

overwhelmed by the feeling of guilty.

HE - "i dont mean that..you can cry but i cant bare seeing

my wife crying..how could an old man let his old woman

cry in this pretty world."

(she remains silent.)

HE - " why didnt you tell me this..do you think i wont understand this".

SHE - " no no..it's my fault..i dont know how to make you understand this."

(after a little pause she continues.)

SHE - " yes i loved him so much in my college days but

somehow he didnt like me..i tried to explain him all but

he couldnt able to feel my emotions..that is not his

wrong too.he didnt love me just as i did love him..

nobody to blame for and nobody to worry for it..

the pain is heavy and it gets deep marked when

bad things happen by fate..it was very hard to recover

from it..slowly i started to believe as if nothing had happened

to me,an intelligent way of cheating oneself and hiding

one's own feeling for the sake of mere living."

(again a little pause.)

SHE - "but today after hearing about his death

i broke down completely.. though he didnt,i loved him

sincerely.. always i wanted him to be well and good..

is it wrong,my dear?.shouldnt i care for somebody i loved.

would it be wrong to cry for someone i worried about?.

i am sorry if i had gone wrong somewhere".

(now he continues more thoughtfully)

HE - "no no..at any means it wouldnt be wrong..

how could it go wrong when you are true to

your own feeling and respect your beliefs."

SHE - "i never wanted to hide all these from you

but i didnt know how to explain you all these.

all the more i feared you wont bear it as you love me

so much and i do too.i promise i love you more than

anybody in the world."

HE - "shut up..i know that you stupid lady..you aren't

an object i possess so that somebody can take away

from me or you arent an abstract thing like truth so

that anybody can try possessing it.. you are the only

shape of all my beliefs. how could somebody take

my beliefs away from me.i wont exist then."

SHE senses the taste of his love more proudly.

SHE - "no i dont mean that..but any husband wants

his wife to love only him..the word 'possession' is a devil word.

it will kill all the emotions.it can make anybody evil."

HE - "yes.it is.but people often forget that everybody

does have heart and it has got its own kindness and compassion.

Even the most evil man has to love something in this world else he couldnt exist."

(after a little pause he continues.)

HE - "Love is all about belief my dear..how will i take things

wrong about you..A good to one cannot be a bad to another,

it might seem to be but it is really not..you can believe me

always..i maynot be a better human being as you expected

but i always try to be one such..i always love people who

loves somebody truly..i know a belief cannot be imposed

but i have no other go than to ask you..the goodness of

any man lies only in the amount of belief he gains from his lover.."

Hearing those she hugs him passionately as a sign of apology.

then the room gets dipped in its inherent silence letting

the fan to make its presence known.

Do U understand...

2008-04-25T04:14:00.001-07:00

Asusual that apartment remained silent and peaceful
on that late night. Not many interesting things were
happening in it as people belong to the flats did rarely
come out and socialize with neighbours. Truly speaking
those flats are not of great concern here, it's only
the flat which bears number 2 in the door matters now.
Inside that flat there was a great deal of deafening silence
such that one would feel as if they have gone deaf
all of a sudden after gone passed the door inside.
Such a little world of silence was vanished in a jiffy
when a sudden sharp and loud noise of thunder
broke in to give the feel of the difference between
black and white.It was followed by a powerful flash
of lightning outside which brought the visibility of
dark clouds dashing each other like the soldiers
fighting in the warfield to result only in a crying
producing one of the two endless fountain of immortal liquid, rain.
That powerful lightning highlighted the presence of
a lonely soul in that flat. Being alone and thinking about
something seriously might seem like helping people
to solve few problems,but it could be destructive in
most of the times.For few people in particular it turns
to be an incurable as well as a lovable disease.
He was one such type of a person.

On such a lovely and evocative night with heavy rain
joining the party,a young man left alone in his flat would
have nothing to do but to think and let his mind brood
over the thoughts of his loved one. Always late night time
makes life difficult for any lovelorn person because it stirs
their calmed down emotions and evokes all those sweet memories
about their dears.
He knew what he was not suppose to do but the fateful time
and the forceful urge of his desire made him do what he himself
had refrained to for a quite span of time. He read probably for
the hundredth time in the display of his cellphone whether
the words were forceful enough to express his pent-up feelings or not..
"It has to for godsake"-He prayed to himself.
Though it was a single click of a button, it meant a lot to him
because so many times he had stopped himself to proceed
further and remained painful. but this time somehow he couldnt.
then it was all over, he had sent the message which
he believed might strike her heart and get him back
some positive replies..
He had been waiting for her for the past few years and
still he had to wait for few more minutes to see the inkling
of any improvement. Always he hesitated to wait for
something because he believed waiting sounds very
tough but he never knew it gives one enough space and
time to think and introspect his own wrong doings.
And there came a pair of mosquitoes which had been taught
only to disturb people in the night and make them not sleep.
Deftly and comfortably they found their lucky places in
his body, one in his right hand just below the dimpled elbow
and the other in his right leg. as they were known only to bite
people,they did bite him and sucked the blood.
"ssshhhh",he responded unable to bear the pain.
"why did God create this creature,they are born only
to disturb people and make them suffer.. come on mosquitoes,
leave me alone i say",he grumbled to himself thrashing both
the mosquitoes to death.
As his spate of tension died out,he looked at their carcasses
pitifully and said,"why dont you mosquitoes understand
people,if not everybody atleast this lonely dejected and
unrequitted lover.. and GOD what is wrong in giving
these creatures few brains..".
To shrug off all these,his cellphone vibrated with
a message tone and this made him all excited.but the excitement
was short-lived as he read the following reply
"See gentleman..i have warned you many times
before not to message me..i understand you love me
so deeply,but somehow i dont love you..i dont know
why?.. i cant explain it also.. few things dont happen in life
simply because they dont want to happen.. this is one such..
this is your problem and i have nothing to do with it..
i think the limit is set here..so dont even try to trouble me
again..please LEAVE ME ALONE I SAY "..
Those words made him feel heavy in his heart,especially
those three words 'LEAVE ME ALONE'. he had heard those
words before,even he had used them few times at people,
but they never lingered in his mind like this time..that too
when it came out from his loved one,it did something in him..
many things were going at his mind,"how could i trouble s
omebody i love the most,and that is not my intention too..
GOD you sound cruel when you make one to love somebody
and forget to do the rest..".
slowly he tried to digest it all.But the world around him
remained the same as another mosquito came and sat
on his finger this time..
asusual it bit him and began to suck his blood. he felt
the pain sharp and intense again but this time he
managed to be polite in his treatment by just blowing
the air on the mosquito through his mouth which seemed
just perfect to make the mosquito take its flight.
"and you mosquito, you are no different from me..
offcourse your intention is not to disturb me but
to fight for your existence..it's not that people dont
want to understand others, actually they dont have
time for it or sometimes they cant..but i will try
to understand you my dear..",
he said sensing the feeling of understanding others
for the first time in his life time. and now the
other immortal liquid( tears) just streamed out
from the brink of his eyelashes and then slowly
moved down the cheek like a drop of water moving
down the big leaf non-linearly exploiting the weakest part of it.

another element of romance

2008-04-17T00:29:00.000-07:00

It's around 10:30 in the night when the lively sounds of

the entire city is tapering off as everyone packs up their

things after the tiresome days work, but HE is active

enough to put his pen to the paper to finish off his

lovely tale.It's very difficult for a writer to express all

his profounding thoughts in mere words.sometimes

he has to wait till he gets the exact stream of magical

words.It is one such waiting moment for him,but it

died out in a flash when he hears that haunting voice

at his back.He couldn't continue anything than to respond to it.

SHE : Dearrr
HE : yes.
SHE : where are you. come here.
(he then moves towards the wooden bed where she lies

sleepless.)
(sitting beside her)
HE : i am here only. it's getting late, you should sleep now.
SHE : no, somehow i don't feel like sleeping.
HE : what should i do now?
SHE : probably you can tell your girl a story.
HE : what story?
SHE : story which you love the most. maybe a romantic

story.but strictly not a sad tale.
HE : i don't know why people hate sadness,maybe

becoz it is the first feeling they emote after coming

of the mother's womb. but we often forget that sadness

speaks more truth than happiness.
SHE : let the fact be there sleeping,my philosopher.

people dont like hearing philosophy becoz they dont

seem interesting. so you tell me an enjoyable story now.
(he worries a bit not because people don't understand it

but because his loved one doesn't. But it doesnt last longer

becoz he knows love is all about sacrifice and madness. so he continues)
HE : "once there was a blind girl. she was so beautiful

that a jobless fellow fell for her. she also loved him equally.

she had a penchant of questioning about different things

to her lover. though it made him uneasy,slowly he started

liking it and was so eager to answer her."
(her face lights up with excitement as she always likes fantasy.)

HE : "one day she asked him 'what is beauty?'. he answered

'beauty cannot be seen or defined because it lies only in

the eyes of the people who look for it'. on seeing her face

going blue, he continued 'but only very few people are lucky

enough to have it in their heart and my dear you are one

among them',suddenly her face glowed with shyness,

the very female element".

SHE : no no.. this is not an appreciating answer.always men

try fooling women and escape exploiting their weakness.

this is one such act of deception.
HE : hey come on. what is wrong in praising his girl's beauty?.

any man would love to do it.
SHE : but a gentleman wouldn't. if somebody ask him something

he will better define it else will straightaway tell them 'i dont know'.
(he starts to feel uncomfortable and tries to find a way to escape from it..)

HE : probably he may not be a gentleman or so.
SHE : put his problem aside my man. you tell me 'what is beauty?'.
(he laughs.)
SHE : come on.you cant escape.
HE : shall I explain it in action.
SHE : yes,you are most welcome,Gentleman.
HE : then close your eyes and don't open it until i say.
(after few seconds,slowly she starts to feel a smooth feeling

in her heart. her mind wanted to know what is it that makes

her feel so pleasant and yes she finally got it, the dulcet fragrance of jasmine).
HE : the beauty of a flower is its sweet smell.
(Before she completely gets rid of that pleasing smell,

she begins to feel a new one. this time her mind doesn't

bother a lot,intuitively it recognizes that.

yes it is the intensity of their romance bound tightly in

a kiss on her lips.)
HE : the beauty of our romance is the taste of my kiss which

will show the same affection,care and love forever.

on top of all these, there is one more proof. open your eyes

and look at mine straight.
(looking straight at its counterpart his eyes speak the truth of

their relationship. usually one doesn't prefer to look at

somebody's eyes for a longtime becoz eyes are the heart of the truth,

it will easily exploit the falsehood.but his eyes always long to look at hers.)
HE : the most praised and blessed beauty in the world is the truth.
the truth of a night is its bare and naked darkness.
the truth of a sun is its scorching light.
the truth of our relationship is our love.
(she smiles at him with pride and love)
HE : that's why i say the beauty is in your poetic smile.
(as they start their romance, the romance of the blind girl and the boy is left abandoned.)

an element of romance

2008-04-08T04:58:00.003-07:00

It is a small and lone house in that part of the hilly region.
Going inside, there is a medium-sized hall adjacent to a
small room and a kitchen and finally a simple yet
beautiful bedroom. The bedroom is dimly lit yet the
two souls sitting on the bed can be seen easily through
the light seeping out from the hall. They converse something
but it is not audible enough from the hall because it's raining
heavily outside and the sound of rain pouring down kills
the murmuring voice of the couple.Their posture and
the fading voice might sound like the discussion of a serious
problem on hearing from the hall, but going closer,
one gets a different story.
The bedroom is plain and simple, yet nothing could have
made the room so beautiful and aesthetic than the romantic
voices of the couple on that wonderful night.
SHE : What are you looking at in my face?
(he laughs)
SHE : Tell me.
HE : Nothing. Just trying to grasp what this beautiful face
trying to convey me all the time.
SHE : Dont lie my dear writer. You will be caught.
what could an ugly face tell you.
HE : I am not lying anyway. why should I lie to my wife.
moreover,why should I try to impress something that
belongs to me already.
SHE : This is the problem with the writers. They always
pep up and exaggerate a simple thing to the greatest
possible degree. Somekind of mania for you people.
(She tries to get up telling that, but he pulls her hand
and makes her sit very close to him this time)
HE : Mam hold on. Do you know one basic thing? nothing
would come out of nothing.Exaggeration is not a derogatory
word. People made it sound like that.There is no fixed definition
to beauty in this world. The beauty of any object can only be
defined by the person who sees it and...
SHE : enough enough. I am not ready to argue with you.
You people can conjure anything out of nothing. A writer is
wrost than a magician, atleast he conceals all his lies in an
entertaining way to treat people visually. But you writers
straight away call a lie true and try to prove it with nothing
to support it. you liars. You can lie to me but my mirror will
never because it doesnt except anything in return so as to impress me.
HE : hmmm
SHE : Leave all those. You tell me, where is the hidden beauty
in my face which eluded my eyes all these days.
HE : what does your mirror tell you? If you stare at it
thinking that you look ugly then your brainless and stupid
mirror will vomit and throw the same in the reflection.
that's why you should always ask me.
(she tries to leave again, but he stops her)
HE : Just hear how my heart reflect to your face and
then leave, my foolish lady.
A dark complexion which never made me feel that
i am not fair and handsome, giving me the satisfied
feeling of a perfect match,
a pair of beautiful eyes which always long to see me,
a flat nose which takes the breath of my loved one,
chubby cheeks which bore all my soulful kisses,
a pair of lips seeming tired after kissing me with romance
and chaste for years, wrinkled skin showing the fifty years
of your care and love for me, as a whole your face exemplies
the law of nature, you old woman.
If you ask ur son he will reflect in different way.
If you ask your friend they will reflect in their own way.
Dont ask the mirror, it will never tell You the truth.
It doesnt know how beautiful my wife is.
SHE hugs him and then she gives a praised kiss in his forehead overwhelmed by his love.

bijutsu

2008-04-01T06:19:00.000-07:00

It was a few centuries back when photography was only at its womb,lived an ugly draughtsman...He hated mirror to the extreme because whenever he looked at it, it only reflected his ugly external image and concealed his real beautiful self... From the childhood he had the manic depression about his bad look... So he made a strong word to himself that he would make the most beautiful and real picture in the world... From then he made many artistic as well as aesthetic drawings... Most of his drawings were born out of the nature's influence on him... Slowly he was getting rid of his depression enjoying and owning the beauty of the nature in his drawings... though he loved his drawings the most than any other thing in the world,none of them gave him the real and the complete satisfaction which he had longed for always..

on one wonderful evening he saw a girl in the streets of his home town.. She casually looked at him as one of the passers-by, but he felt like his heart stopped beating for a moment when he had his eyes straight looking at its counterpart.. That look gave him the answer he was looking for ever since he was born.. His little heart couldnt bear the exquisite beauty of her face.. the sudden visibility of her beauty did smother his heart as if the sudden unleashing of fragrance of thousands and thousands of flowers would do.. But all of those vanished in a jiffy second अस शे दीद pass him leaving the real profounding influence on him..

From then her face constantly haunted him and made him fall in love.. He started feeling like owning that beauty and loved being a failure to it.. He began to believe as if he has got somebody in the earth for him.. slowly and completely he was succumbed to her thoughts and at one stage he had lost him complete to her.. The pitiful soul enjoyed it unknowing that he was indirectly kindling and giving his calmed down depression a new life (sadness engulfs a person when he starts loving somebody more than himself)..

As days rolled by he was not normal, he also tried resorting to go away from her but he couldnt.. so one final day he decided to tell his love through a drawing of her face.. he himself reminded that he would be drawing for his own life.. But he failed to continue after the start as he didnt have the confidence to draw her face truly.. he feared that it wouldnt come real because he knew that ' if he draws it simply to impress her or to make her love him, then it would become the worst of his all drawings '.. Because as an artist he knew the basic law of the art, i.e) "Everything will get its real form only when it is rightly justified.. sometimes people might go overbroad and exceedingly love something which let that something doesnt get its real colour", (but who has the power to control the desire of the heart).. also he couldnt quantify his love to put the exact measure into the drawing.. so he gave up the idea and stayed away from her..

If somebody had told him that 'you are not fit to marry her', he would have walked upto her straight and asked her to marry him..but it was not somebodyelse but his conscience tried to tie his feelings tearing his heart out.. he hated himself for being himself.. if he couldnt own his true feeling how could he depict the nature's feelings in the art, so he had stopped drawing things..

To put an end to all these, one final day he heard that she got married to someone looking handsome than him (he knew anyone would be looking better than him) and their family had been moved somewhere.. whatelse a person could do at that stay than to hate himself...The feeling of disliking himself ran high, he couldnt end his life though because he equally loved being a draughtsman and feared 'what if God forget to gift the same in the next birth'..

He had many failures in his life before but this one had its impact deep rooted in him than ever before.. he was ready to lose anything in the life but the ownership of realizing and praising her beauty.. he strongly believed that there was nobody to do that than him.. so he refused to fling his possession over it and brooded over her thoughts all the time.. But the idyllic and serene beauty of nature which he had been praising divinely from the childhood tried to usurp the place he had given to her.. he couldnt straddle the mixed flow of those beauties.. he blamed the God for forcing him to change and adapt.. also the law of nature warned him that "any living being would meet its extinction when it refuses to adapt to the change".. But the human's madness about something (the greatest of all energies) will never give up, even it will give the strong belief of injecting life into the dead corpse (yes 'madness is the energy' if you are mad about something it will drive and give you the enormous amount of energy to achieve it)... most of all human's extreme dedication to something will give the best illusion of greatest power.. Driven by all these extremities he decided to sacrifice the greatest gift god had given him 'to sense,to draw,to see, most of all to get the soulful input for his drawings'... painfully he made himself blind not letting him to value anyother thing as he had valued her beauty.. he was then more relaxed and happy laughing over the force which had tried to defeat him..

Only after that he came to know the power of imagination and realized that a real creator doesnt need eyes to draw and see it, because an art is better felt than seen.. on one final day,filled with her thoughts in the mind ,he started drawing her face for the first time.. this time he had nobody to impress,nobody to make fall for it,nobody to question and moreover nobody to measure the quantity of love being put in it.. Though he was not able to look at it he knew it had got its real form.. for the first time he felt the beauty of an art than ever before which have him the praised satisfaction he had longed for from his childhood.. But one thing he never knew that 'the real beauty is not in her face but only hiding in his heart'.

a blot in the lovely art

2008-01-24T06:23:00.000-08:00

One dark night, JACK decided to lurk into an old-fashioned
house that was probably as old as the conventions and rituals
people dwell in it believe.
(Before proceeding into the story let us look at who is this
JACK. He is a rude person yet strong and attractive, any
woman would be eager to have sex with him if she is
imprudent or if they live in Adam-Eve time. He expertly
sneaks into the houses in the night and loots everything
he likes, also he will not miss any opportunity of intercourse
with girls who are left alone in the houses. He is quite efficient
in eyeing up the houses which are lone or in which not many live.)

That day he decided to sneak into a lone house that was quite far
away from the other houses in that street. Unknowing about the
people living in it he made his mind towards it because of his high
confidence of the fact that he had never been caught by anybody.
JACK deftly evaded the guard dog and climbed up the motta maadi
of the house,from there he cleverly got inside the house; he called
himself lucky after seriously guessing not many in the house that
time. The house was not so big and not too small, it was parted
into 6 rooms and a hall where he stood in one corner. There was
a small colored bulb switched on which spread dim light in all
directions, this eased his work not to grope in the dark. There in
the hall he happened to see an old framed photo (probably
15 years old) nailed up on the wall in which a couple posed
with their 12 yr old son.

Then he carefully navigated through the rooms; for his surprise,
there was no one in all except the last room where he saw a lady
in mid twenties sleeping in the bed. His anticipation raised high
as he wished to see how beautiful she was, so he went nearby
the window only to get disappointed by her ugly, dark-colored,
rotund bod lying in the bed. Abruptly his interest in her vanished
(because of the fact that even the sex has been adulterated by external beauty).
He then made his mind for the hidden money thinking that
she was sound asleep. The moment he tried to move from that
place he found her body moving slightly. Carefully he observed
her thinking 'what is she doing at the midnight? is it not the
time to sleep ? hey what is she up to ?'. Now he got into rapt
observation deeply interested 'hey?', finally he sensed that she
was trying to get sexual gratification by self-stimulation falling
into half-sleep. Unprecedentedly and completely he was moved
by her longing for sex. Though he didn't like her physique,the
very human element (love or sympathy or kindness,..) in him
urged him to give her what she longs for, then he slowly inched
towards her bed. Sitting on the bed next to her lying bod he
smoothly touched her. She was all pleased by the warmth
of a man touching her; an abstract pleasant feeling conquered
her, she felt it heavily as if having a glass of water after
working for hours in scorching sun. Before completely started
relishing it an unknown force from her inner mind rushed into
her knowledge made her awake completely and compelling her
to push him few distance away from the bed. On the spur of the
moment she started crying loud; her body was shivering, her
heart broke couldn't put up with what had happened. She
didn't even look at his face, started pleading him to leave the place.

He couldn't realize why things went that bad to her all of a sudden.
Only when he walked back to the house's exit, he accidentally
looked at the new framed photograph(this time it was only
two years old) of a young man closely resembling the 12 year old
child in the old photograph, the frills of the photograph told him
that the young man was no more. He looked back at her she
was crying still, he felt extremely sorry for her and left. Though
the feeling of guilt overwhelmed her she knew she still loved her husband.
At that moment all her hidden beauty came to the fore.

(many would say sex is not mere an exchange of body fluids ,it's more than that, while some say it is divine. All above that it is just a simple feeling which leave nobody to escape.)

thank u , throw your comments if u like.

why blogs..

2007-12-14T01:36:00.000-08:00

This third blog from me is again more of my perception about blogs.. so if it contradicts with someoneelse please dont take it to heart.. the reason I say this is I dont want anybody to get offended by my blog.. U are allowed to enjoy reading my blog or U can sweep it aside as a crap or U can strongly oppose it but strictly not to get annoyed.. it may be a kind of imposition but still I insist becoz my reason of writing blogs is different..

This is my third blog but only now I have got the real reason for why a blog has to be written by me..I was wrong in my perception when I wrote the previous blogs..I wrote the first one because there was an urge in my mind to make my love known to few people..moreover selfishly I eyed at the possibility of SHE looking into it..then I was moved by its response , so I have had myself to write the next one but not for the reason I was really searching for..I didnt get the same kind of response this time..it might have lacked many things..one of my friend(vaai) said it wasnt entertaining..I too didnt get any kind of satisfaction..so I stopped writing blogs..

I didnt know on what motive(real) I have to write a blog except for I believe it will improve my writing skills in english..even I didnt know whether I am scripting it for mysake or for others..if I write it for others it has to be appealing for them..so in what way I can make it more appealing..I fear that voluntarily adding exciting stuffs will deteriorate or misinterpret my real
idea..moreover what entertaining to me maynot be for others..so obviously my blog means more to me than what it matters to others..then how it matters to me a lot..

according to me there are two forms of existence for any idea..one is the form which exists in my mind as thoughts after I perceive it.. the other form is the one which is stronger and the real form which gets its existence when I share it to others.. actually this was told to me by my friend(SURSH) on a fine day but I didnt feel it that day , but now I start to realise it in everycase.. so when I write a blog I give the real form to my idea.. my blog speaks lot more to me and strongly implants the idea in my mind.. but this too happens only when I convey what I really perceive in my mind..it means that a blog is worthwhile only when it speaks what it has to speak.. so hereafter I will script my blogs with core ideas without worrying about the reader's entertainment..

thank U..

when do i fail as a person

2007-09-17T01:39:00.000-07:00

(i do fail at lot of things..but these failures i(we) come across every now and then..i write this simply to share my thoughts over these issue)

The other day i was happened to see few transgenders standing next to me in the bus-stop..i know they are no different from me..even then their presence brought out the defensive in me..i couldnt put up my face to theirs..i have read about them , i could understand their emotions to some extent but still i couldnt be normal with their presence..this incident apparently showed me how impotent i am in my mindset..i have had it strongly on my conscience.. is this because of the society i have been brought up in..if yes , arent we making the society...they are unhappy not because who they are biologically but because we treat them as outcasts...it is still worst in the next case..

whenever i (men) see a girl who i dont know walking on the street or standing nearby ...i have a thought popped up in my innermind making me recognize myself more as a male than as a humanbeing..this element (AAMBALANGIRA THIMURU) lets me to think about her differently sometimes in wrong sense..is it not a kind of male chauvinism...why couldnt we look at a girl more as a person rather than as someone of opposite sex...though we term this as nature..i fail here as a person..are we(men) not overdoing the privilege of being male..i presume this is why we find difficulty in understanding their tribulations..sometimes this primal failure leading to many social outrages against women..

'superiority',i capitulate to this word very often..like most of us i do seek superiority in whatever things i involve..right from the childhood this superiority complex dominates me..i dont know from where it gets seeded in my mind..sometimes it engulfs all my good shelves projecting me as a bad person to this society..we expect each our activity to be recognised by someone..for example i write this blog to be read and recognised by many..is this kind of expectation leading myself wrongly to somewhere ..i dont know whether i am trying to succeed this superiority complex to make myself more superior..

(these failures keep coming at me..i know these are all not somethings i should disappear into ...but then simply giving my thoughts over these...thank u ...please throw ur comments)

love inside a man

2007-09-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

(this content is more in my perspective..simply to share my staple view about love)

Like every man ,I too have both masculinity and femininity inside me . .Both masculinity and femininity are intangible feelings,they can only be felt within..From childhood I couldnt sense my femininity part until I see HER..since i saw her I started to feel it slowly inside me realising the completeness of a man.maybe this is the kind of new thing every male gets from his girl..This element which made me love myself more and feel the completeness mentally makes this LOVE better and different from the one my mother or sister shows towards me..In this aspect transgenders are special , they could feel both the things themself..they dont need somebody else to make them realise it.painfully this extrathing let them be socially outcasts.

I dont know whether we can quantify love or not , i suppose no. but in case of unrequitted love ,the intensity is high because the amount of pain it causes intensifies the love more..in my case SHE doesnt talk to me,but kept me always brood over her thoughts..That pains me a lot letting my love grow more..to cite an exemplar , the amount of pain a woman undergoes during pregnancy both mentally and physically makes her love towards the child more intense.

The word LOVE is derived from the latin word OVUM...so love starts when an ovum is fertilized by a sperm..obviously everybody is loved by one or more others...even the worst person in the world is loved by his mother..so its important to love someone truly rather than expecting someone to love u..my love helps me to understand myself and makes me more humane towards others..it has brought only good things out of me not vices..i have realised the same in my friends (KICHA, SURESH) love too.. i love HER , she loves somebody else , both love are beautiful,because love is beautiful..i try to respect both the love..it doesnt matter whether ur love is requitted or not , how truly u r to ur love matters a lot..thank u..

(this is only my part of conception about love..u can throw ur comments...)